Dear Ms. Couric,
Your interview with Britain’s royal family airs on ABC in just a couple of weeks, so I’d like to to take this moment to ensure that you were asking only the most important questions to the world’s beloved William and Harry.
Firstly, did you make them (and by “them,” I mean
the single one Harry) aware that I am available to fill any open princess position? I enjoy cleaning, wearing designer gowns, standing there and looking pretty, and have been known to sing with forest animals on occasion. But I forwarded you a copy of my complete resume ahead of time, I’m sure you passed it along.
Next, did you ask how Kate Middleton has been lately? I’m sure she’s still dealing with the pressures of having joined a very public royal family, so I hope you let her know that I’m here if ever she needs someone to confide in. My thorough readings of The Princess Diaries series as well as the 25+ times I’ve watched The Princess Diaries movie have fully prepared me to discuss the life and times of a modern royal woman, princess to princess.
Finally, I hope you asked how they plan on dealing with the
nonexistent public outcry that their family is not nearly diverse enough and thus has been deemed unrelatable by the common people? Naturally, you suggested that I join the family, of course, I just wanted to make sure that you were able to fit your comment in between asking about Her Majesty’s Facebook page and prying details about my forthcoming engagement ring from Harry. I also hope that you mentioned how my addition to the royal lineage would only benefit future generations, as I would help eliminate those pesky genetic disorders that seem to occur whenever you only marry your royal cousins.
Anyway, K-T, I was just checking in. I’m sure you got this all covered.
Can’t wait to see the interview!