My dear Jamie,
I actually don’t know you that well, but since you’re British I felt the need to address this letter rather formerly.
Seriously though, you need to get your life in order. First caught for growing marijuana, now sentenced to jail for partaking in the London riots? I realize that many other people are getting in trouble for these things too…but you’re not just any other person.
YOU’RE VINCENT CRABBE FROM HARRY POTTER.
You’re famous (well, kinda.) Why are you committing these petty crimes? No, I retract that question. You’re famous. Why are you getting caught for these petty crimes?
And don’t give me any of that method acting bull. You can try all you want to live up to Crabbe, but you’re no Christian Bale as the machinist, that’s all I gotta say.
Very truly yours with only the best regard,