Real Pop Talk

Open letters from a girly pop culture junkie

Archive for the tag “blue ivy”

An open letter to Blue Ivy Carter – re: Your Unfortunate Exploitation

Hey girl,

I realize that you haven’t yet gained the ability to read and therefore this letter will mean nothing to you for a while, but I feel that its contents must be expressed now.

Do you understand what your parents have done to you? You’ve become the newest, freshest, most-definitely-carried-by-a-surrogate product on the block.

Why did they need to trademark you name? I understand the want for your name to be unique and different, but I think you’re gonna be getting enough media attention that no one would/could name their child Blue Ivy under pure coincidence.

And I hate that you’re breaking Billboard records by being “featured” on your dad’s track, Glory. You made noises. That doesn’t count. Are we gonna start crediting the frying pan in Imogen Heap’s song as a featured artist? The first inanimate object to chart on Billboard! What absurdity.

Maybe this letter would have been better addressed to your parents. To them, all I have to say is: Your child is NOT a PRODUCT. STOP the EXPLOITATION.

With all the best intention for your future,

Linda

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An open letter to Jay and Beyonce – re: Blue Ivy Carter…really?

Ohhay Jay and Bey,

Congratulations on your power infant mogul baby bundle of joy. Honestly, I’m happy for you.

But as it’s my job to think critically about pop culture, I must ask. Blue Ivy? I guess it’s pretty, but I need some reassurance.

Tell me, please tell me, that her name isn’t Blue as a reference to Jay-Z’s “Blueprint” album series. And please tell me that her middle name isn’t Ivy like “IV” like “4” like Beyonce’s album “4” like your matching “IV” tattoos.

You may have successfully exploited your pregnancy for publicity, Beyonce, but please tell me you wanted your child’s name to have more significance than a reminder of your own personal achievements.

This might be worse than Coco. You know. COurteney COx’s baby.

I’ll be anticipating your timely reply,

Linda

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