Real Pop Talk

Open letters from a girly pop culture junkie

Archive for the tag “beyonce”

An open letter to Blue Ivy Carter – re: Your Unfortunate Exploitation

Hey girl,

I realize that you haven’t yet gained the ability to read and therefore this letter will mean nothing to you for a while, but I feel that its contents must be expressed now.

Do you understand what your parents have done to you? You’ve become the newest, freshest, most-definitely-carried-by-a-surrogate product on the block.

Why did they need to trademark you name? I understand the want for your name to be unique and different, but I think you’re gonna be getting enough media attention that no one would/could name their child Blue Ivy under pure coincidence.

And I hate that you’re breaking Billboard records by being “featured” on your dad’s track, Glory. You made noises. That doesn’t count. Are we gonna start crediting the frying pan in Imogen Heap’s song as a featured artist? The first inanimate object to chart on Billboard! What absurdity.

Maybe this letter would have been better addressed to your parents. To them, all I have to say is: Your child is NOT a PRODUCT. STOP the EXPLOITATION.

With all the best intention for your future,



An open letter to Jay and Beyonce – re: Blue Ivy Carter…really?

Ohhay Jay and Bey,

Congratulations on your power infant mogul baby bundle of joy. Honestly, I’m happy for you.

But as it’s my job to think critically about pop culture, I must ask. Blue Ivy? I guess it’s pretty, but I need some reassurance.

Tell me, please tell me, that her name isn’t Blue as a reference to Jay-Z’s “Blueprint” album series. And please tell me that her middle name isn’t Ivy like “IV” like “4” like Beyonce’s album “4” like your matching “IV” tattoos.

You may have successfully exploited your pregnancy for publicity, Beyonce, but please tell me you wanted your child’s name to have more significance than a reminder of your own personal achievements.

This might be worse than Coco. You know. COurteney COx’s baby.

I’ll be anticipating your timely reply,


Dear Beyonce…

…please don’t have a fake baby. Please.

That would ruin EVERYTHING.

A trick of the lighting?

Who else is going to give birth to the most powerful and talented hip-hop baby of all time?!

Alter Egotistical

This week, Lady Gaga released the third video in her Haus of Ü series of “art films,” which is a 5-part video series set to her latest single, Yoü and I. Each of the videos will feature a different one of Gaga’s alter egos. Tuesday’s installment featured mermaid Gaga, also known as Yüyi:

(As an aside, I think this one is my favorite out of the three that have been released. Yüyi seems like a badass bitch.)

Obviously, Lady Gaga is not the only artist to have utilized the alter ego. Eminem has Slim Shady. Beyonce had Sasha Fierce, until she killed her off two years later, anyway. And Nicki Minaj is just swimming in alter egos (although none of her alter egos has yet to develop a fish tail. I guess that’s typical Lady Gaga though. Just outdoing everyone in the Weird department) including Roman Zolanski, who has been described as a very naughty boy, and Roman’s mother, Martha, who can be seen as Nicki’s fairy godmother in the Moment 4 Life video:

(Another aside: why don’t I have a fairy godmother to gift me with sparkly heels?!)

So why do artists have this passion for creating alternate identities? I think the reason might be two-fold.

First, it allows artists to commit to one dimension, if they feel like it. What’s more, the dimension they commit to doesn’t have to make sense. If Nicki Minaj wants to go around talking in a British accent for no apparent reason, that’s okay, because that’s just Martha. Her audiences accept it. If Lady Gaga wants to play mermaid, that’s great. The Little Monsters will eat it up.

At the same time, though it seems contradictory, alter egos also allow artists to be multi-dimensional. They get to express whatever part of them they want to. Once Nicki tires of Martha, she can switch to Roman and express her wilder side (Roman is famously featured on Trey Songz’s track, “Bottoms Up.”) Or, if she’s feeling bubbly, she can switch to Barbie and get dolled up. But all of these personas still belong to the broad category of Nicki Minaj.

The same goes for Lady Gaga. She might be releasing five videos under five different alter egos, but because they are all technically different facets of Lady Gaga, it’s almost as if she’s putting her versatility on display.

Gaga as Nymph
Gaga as Bride
Gaga as Yüyi

What do you think of alter egos? Are they great, or are they stupid?

Clearly, my vote is great. Although that might be because I have a strange fascination with Lady Gaga’s male alter ego, Jo Calderone.

Gaga as Jo Calderone

Can’t wait for that video to come out.

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