Real Pop Talk

Open letters from a girly pop culture junkie

Archive for the month “March, 2012”

An open letter to Jamie Waylett – re: Really, man?

My dear Jamie,

I actually don’t know you that well, but since you’re British I felt the need to address this letter rather formerly.

Seriously though, you need to get your life in order. First caught for growing marijuana, now sentenced to jail for partaking in the London riots? I realize that many other people are getting in trouble for these things too…but you’re not just any other person.

YOU’RE VINCENT CRABBE FROM HARRY POTTER.

You’re famous (well, kinda.) Why are you committing these petty crimes? No, I retract that question. You’re famous. Why are you getting caught for these petty crimes?

And don’t give me any of that method acting bull. You can try all you want to live up to Crabbe, but you’re no Christian Bale as the machinist, that’s all I gotta say.

Very truly yours with only the best regard,

Linda

An open letter to Jason Derulo – re: Your lyrics, they is wack.

Dear Jay-sonn DeROOlo (yyyeah, J-J-J-JR!),

I only have one thing to say to you: “Much more than a Grammy award, that’s how much you mean to me.”

Wow. I’m just…just so flattered. I think.

“You could be my it girl, baby you the shit girl.”

Um. Thanks?

“I don’t want you to leave me, though you caught me cheating…when the roof caved in and the truth came out, I just didn’t know what to do, but when I become a star, we’ll be living so large, I’d do anything for you.”

Oh, okay, Jason. Sorry, I didn’t realize you were on your way to becoming rich and famous. I can definitely look past the fact that you slept around while I’m here trying to support your broke ass, definitely, because one day, you’ll have money.

I hope you realize from the above responses that I am a strong-willed, logical, and intelligent woman. Because of this, I feel as though it’s my duty not to like your music.

SO WHY CAN’T I STOP LISTENING TO IT?!

Begrudgingly a fan,

Linda

 

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