Real Pop Talk

Open letters from a girly pop culture junkie

Archive for the month “February, 2012”

An Open Letter to Taylor Swift – re: Girl, you gotta date Zac Efron

Hay girl,

Listen. It’s time to get real. You’re my best friend, right? And because you’re my best friend, I only want the best for you.

And the best thing for you, right now, at this moment, is named Zac Efron.

Look at the two of you on Ellen:

Girl, I was so excited for you I broke out in hives. Seriously though. Your love with him is so real, it gave me a rash.

He’s talented and beautiful, you’re talented and beautiful, what more could you want? The chemistry between the two of you is undeniable. I really think he could be the one you’d never have to write a break-up song for.

Maybe this is looking too far ahead, but I just have this feeling that your power couple-ness could unite all of us. End wars. Stop hatred. Your love could be our drug, the new opium of the people. Just think about how important that is. Think about the children, Taylor!

Or at the very least, think about recording a duet album with him. I’d buy that shit.

Call me and we’ll talk more,

Linda

PS – And if you really don’t wanna date him, go ahead and give him my number. HAY ZEFRON HAY!

 

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An open letter to Blue Ivy Carter – re: Your Unfortunate Exploitation

Hey girl,

I realize that you haven’t yet gained the ability to read and therefore this letter will mean nothing to you for a while, but I feel that its contents must be expressed now.

Do you understand what your parents have done to you? You’ve become the newest, freshest, most-definitely-carried-by-a-surrogate product on the block.

Why did they need to trademark you name? I understand the want for your name to be unique and different, but I think you’re gonna be getting enough media attention that no one would/could name their child Blue Ivy under pure coincidence.

And I hate that you’re breaking Billboard records by being “featured” on your dad’s track, Glory. You made noises. That doesn’t count. Are we gonna start crediting the frying pan in Imogen Heap’s song as a featured artist? The first inanimate object to chart on Billboard! What absurdity.

Maybe this letter would have been better addressed to your parents. To them, all I have to say is: Your child is NOT a PRODUCT. STOP the EXPLOITATION.

With all the best intention for your future,

Linda

More letters coming soon!

Sorry all, the post has been slow lately. More letters are on their way!

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