Real Pop Talk

Open letters from a girly pop culture junkie

Archive for the month “October, 2011”

These are the most insightful lyrics I have ever heard.

“I got a hangover, whoa.
I’ve been drinking too much for sure.
I got a hangover, whoa.
I got an empty cup, pour me some more.

So I can go until I blow up, eh.
And I can drink until I throw up, eh.
And I don’t ever ever want to grow up, eh.
I want to keep it going.

I got a little bit trashed last night, night.
I got a little bit wasted, yeah yeah.
I got a little bit mashed last night, night.
I got a little shitface-ted, yeah yeah.”

Listen. I am generally very tolerant of bad lyrics. VERY tolerant. I listen to Ke$ha. I think the chorus of Justin Bieber’s “Baby” is catchy. The only thing that even really bothers me about Rebecca Black’s “Friday” is when she says, “Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cere-uhl.”

But Taio Cruz. For real. Why? You can write party music. I’m all about the party music. But you’re not even singing about a pleasant party experience.

WHY are you so pleased with yourself for having a hangover? Last time I checked, hangovers involved pounding temples, upset stomachs, and the inability to get out of bed.
WHY do you want to drink until you throw up? That’s not attractive! That’s not fun! You’re definitely not getting any girls if you’re puking!
WHY did you get so mashed last night? You’re not a potato! [Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s British slang, right? Reminds me of “chundered.”]

Is this the music my generation will be remembered for?

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Justin and Selena Adopt!

A dog, that is.

Yeah, okay, it’s cute. But I’m not sure I really understand how this is going to work. Grown people who are responsible, mature, and living in the same house adopt dogs together. 17-year-old and 19-year-old pop stars who spend a lot of time on the road? Are they trying to prove to us that they’re all grown up? I don’t know if it’s very effective.

New music from Justin Timberlake?! Oh wait…

I mean, not to say that I don’t like this song. But Justin, when we said we wanted you to give up on the whole acting thing (which his critically acclaimed performance in The Social Network is unfortunately encouraging) and go back to making music, we didn’t really mean…this kind of music.

We meant THIS kind of music:

But I guess it’s a start?

Not another post about Twilight

Something is seriously wrong with me. I watched the Breaking Dawn trailer with my housemate earlier, and when it was over, he took one look at my face and said, “You’re going to see it, aren’t you?”

My immediate response was “Of COURSE not.” I admit that I’ve read all the books, but Breaking Dawn (the last in the series) was honestly one of the worst books I’ve ever read. Ever. All my Michigan pride for Taylor Lautner couldn’t get me to relieve that atrocity in 3D.

Not even if you wear your Michigan gear.

And yet there was a small part of me that was actually really excited to see this movie–I’m guessing that small part of me might have been my face, since my housemate detected it right away. But why? It makes no logical sense. I know for a fact that I’ll be extremely upset while watching it, and that I will regret the at least $8 I spent. But logic has no place when it comes to Twilight. How does this phenomenon have such control over us girls?

I have two theories. One, Stephenie Meyer uses a hormone-laced ink, and once you’re infected, you’re gone for life.

Two, Stephenie Meyer created a situation that every girl is dying to be in, whether they admit it or not: A quiet, boring, not particularly attractive girl is being fought over by two muscly guys whose hatred for each other is only matched by their passion for said girl. It’s like Bridget Jones’ Diary, only better, because these guys are supernatural, super strong, and will literally love you forever!!! How do you choose?!?

You see? I even lost it there a little bit. As rational as say we are, as anti-sparkle as we claim to be, our desire to be in that situation trumps everything.

Which means…I’ll see you guys at the theater at midnight on November 18th. Dammit.

Boy Band Revival, Please?

Everyone knows Artie from Glee, right?

Before Artie from Glee was Artie from Glee, he was in a boy band called NLT, which stood for Not Like Them.

NLT was made up of four very talented, very cute teenage boys named V, Travis, JJ, and Kevin (Artie from Glee.) Did I mention that they could sing their hearts out?

Everyone knows Artie from Glee. Why doesn’t everyone know NLT?

Because they hit the scene in 2006ish. There was no longer a market niche for synchronized dancing. There was no longer a market niche for boy bands. WHAT A PITY.

Had it been 10 years earlier, people would have been all about it.

NLT failed, but my passion and faith in the power of the boy band, and especially in synchronized dance moves, is still strong. I’m nervous, though, that this means I have to support Mindless Behavior. [Start at 2:05]

I know I defended Justin Bieber, but these kids might actually be 5 years old…5-year-olds with more swag than I’ll ever hope to see.

Thank God for DVR

To be honest, I don’t have a whole lot of time to watch TV while I’m at school (except for Glee and the Vampire Diaries, naturally) but I went home this past weekend and I saw two commercials that seriously bothered me for different reasons.

Commercial #1: Luvs Diapers

OH DEAR GOD WHY? “Poop, there it is???”

Look, I understand kids poop in their diapers. And as a medical school hopeful, I know I can’t let a little fecal matter bother me. But this commercial is seriously pushing the limits of what the American audience can take, and as far as I’m concerned, the fact that the babies are animated only makes it worse.

Commercial #2: Yoplait Light Yogurt

Things like this have bothered me since I read an article in Cosmo telling me to try eating pretzels when I get a cupcake craving. Excuse me? I hope you realize that just means I’ll eat pretzels AND a couple cupcakes.

The same principle applies here. I don’t drink coffee to treat myself, Yoplait. I drink coffee so I don’t pass out and start drooling in 9am lecture. I drink coffee so I can keep my eyes open for another hour to crank out the last page of my paper. Is your yogurt going to help me do that? Because if not, you can “swap” your cute little 100-calorie dairy snack right back.

This must be why DVR was invented, so that no one would ever be subject to these disturbing and/or senseless commercials ever again.

Dear Beyonce…

…please don’t have a fake baby. Please.

That would ruin EVERYTHING.

A trick of the lighting?

Who else is going to give birth to the most powerful and talented hip-hop baby of all time?!

Not everything needs to be Americanized…

Josh Schwartz, writer and producer of the CW’s hit series “Gossip Girl,” is planning on creating an American version of the UK show “Misfits,” about a group of teens that develop superpowers after an electrical storm. [Article here.]

Cast of UK "Misfits." Um. Cute?

Aaand we need an American version why? Don’t we speak the same language? I know, I know, there are differences in slang terms (“Bollocks” is my favorite one, though I’m not entirely sure how dirty of a word it is…) but it honestly shouldn’t be that difficult to figure out. After all, people like my indie sister and my housemate Cam have been watching the UK version and I haven’t heard either of them complain about it being incomprehensible.

It just doesn’t make sense to me. Remember at the beginning of this year, when MTV remade the hit UK show “Skins” and it was awful? Personally, I think it’s because TV is so different in the States compared to in the UK. Here, it’s still generally not okay to show boobies or swear on network TV. In the UK, it’s kind of become the norm. This isn’t to say that people are totally okay with it, you get the crazy parents in every country, but it’s no longer shocking.

Cast of UK "Skins"

UK “Skins” exploited hormonal, hard-partying teenage ways and committed to it, all the way. But MTV couldn’t do that. They were as raunchy as they possibly could be…up to the limit, anyway. I think this made it worse than if HBO had simply picked it up and ran with it full force. At least we would have known what to expect. Instead, it was way more shocking than anything we’d seen on MTV before, and naturally, people freaked out.

Cast of US "Skins"

I guess The Office is an example of a British to US conversion that went right (although I hear that the humor is actually completely different.) We’ll just have to wait and see if UK “Misfits” current popularity in the US is a help or a major hinderance to the upcoming Americanized version.

When the Radio Lies To You

***EDIT: As of 9:00pm, Thursday 10/20, this post is no longer relevant. Due to previous complaints about inadequate spoiler warnings, I will say no more, but please be advised that this post is indeed dated. Thank you.

This morning, I heard something absurd on the radio.

I was driving along, listening to 105.3 Hot FM in Grand Rapids–and yes, I openly listen to Top 40 music. I’ve accepted the fact that my 16-year-old sister who loves Blitzen Trapper is more indie than I’ll ever be–when the DJ started playing Lady Gaga’s Yoü and I.

Normally, this would be cause for celebration. Yoü and I is one of my “in-the-car-alone-belt-your-own-heart” jams, along with Beyonce’s Irreplaceable and Christina Aguilera’s Ain’t No Other Man. But this was the version where they’ve replaced the word “Nebraska” (and just a quick background note here for those of you who aren’t Little Monsters, the song is about one of Gaga’s ex-boyfriends, Lüc Carl, who was from Nebraska) with the word “Michigan.”

Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that Gaga has Michigan pride. I do. But “Michigan” and “Nebraska” are not interchangeable song lyrics. They both have three syllables, sure, but they don’t rhyme and the emphasis is on different syllables. In short, it cramps my style.

Anyway, after the song was over, the DJ said, “How fitting to play Lady Gaga since Halloween is coming up and Lady Gaga’s current boyfriend is on the Vampire Diaries. Maybe Gaga will dress up as a vampire this year!”

Psh. Absurd.

This statement might have passed if I hadn’t been listening at that very moment. But since the DJ was talking about two things that I love (Lady Gaga and the Vampire Diaries) and thus know a lot about, I knew her statement was incorrect on many fronts.

Firstly, the connection between playing Lady Gaga on the radio, Halloween coming up, and Lady Gaga’s boyfriend being on TVD is weak, isn’t it?

Secondly, Lady Gaga’s (rumored) current boyfriend, Taylor Kinney, isn’t even on TVD anymore! He was–SPOILER ALERT!–killed off by Ian Somerhalder’s character, Damon, last season. (A clip of which can be found HERE, for those of you who aren’t faint of heart.)

Here’s a picture of Mr. Kinney, by the way, for your viewing pleasure. Girl ain’t playing.

Lastly, why would Lady Gaga dress up as a vampire on Halloween if her boyfriend used to play a WEREWOLF on the show? Actually, why would Lady Gaga need a costume for Halloween at all? She could just pick an outfit out of her closet like any other day of the year.

The point is, to all you radio DJs out there, do your research before you make these kinds of statements. You never know when someone as neurotic and obsessive as me might be listening.

Young Money Goes Crazy

Lil Wayne might have lost his damn mind. He recently released a PSA (does PSA still stand for public service announcement? Because if so, I don’t get it) in which he discusses the death of Steve Jobs, skateboarding, and his hero Tupac, among other (related?) topics.

Here’s part 1 of the 3-part, 30 min long rant.

Look, I’m not going to lie to you. I didn’t watch the whole thing. How could I? It’s actually rather insane. I did, however, watch the part in video 2 in which he skateboards in his backyard, which made me think that maybe this whole thing is just residual brain injury from his skateboarding accident.

At least we know his Young Money cohorts have a good sense of humor about it. Check out Nicki Minaj’s spoof (under, possibly, a new alter ego: Female Weezy?!) here:

Ohhhh well. We’re generally pretty forgiving of madness in artists as long as they keep putting out boss albums. I’m sure this won’t hurt him too much.

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